Jan 2,

I sit here day in day out missing you and what gets me is how people treat us how they treat your memory its like its a crime to kill a child a crime to hurt a child its a crime to kiddnap a child but when a doctor when a hosptial causes a childs death no one seems to care i mean this world is crazy we put people to death for murdering a child but when you put MD behind the name some how its ok or if a resident causes or contributes to a death thats ok too no one blinks twice you cant even sue them anymore since our goverment put a limit on awards so low most lawyers wont touch even a cut and dry case. Lawyers like doctors seem to be money prestige when did we forget that that child whose death they caused had a mom a dad a sister a brother a niece or nephew grandmother grandfather that child was loved and just because a medical doctor caused his death or contributed to that childs death no crime has been committed no trial no jail time no death penality i wonder if doctors were held to the standards we hold everyone else to would they work harder would things get over looked would money always be before care or is greed all they can see and what about the pain they wrought on this family the pain of 4 year old destiny who cries for her uncle terran or autumn who does not understand where uncle terran is or angel who does not understand why grandma cries so much and why she does not want to play anymore or elexys who was the same age as terran who has grown up so pretty so tall and smart how she wishes she could share her health with uncle terran so he could be here to play with. No one understands the pain not only in terrans death but in the way he died so violent so unessary and no one can ever bring him back to us but whats to stop those who killed him to stop and take a long look at what they have done and stop how many more children will die at their hands under the umbrella of MEDICINE and saving children is it ok to do this if 5 in 100 children live how many die while they learn how many lives are ruined for the sake of their endowed chair or in order to make news how many more families will suffer as ours has before we stop excusing these doctors and hospitals for killing chidlren and saying " its not our fault we did not have the money for decent nurses or to have what a child needs or even decent monitors or room in the icu for frail children" we excuse the blown lungs because a resident is learning how to put in a cvl line and if the child lives cool but when the child dies its pushed under the carpet While terran recieved the best care at all childrens and with dr reinstein miami was a different matter he was just another medical experiment to them and i am supposed to just go one with my life with teh memory of his death every second of the night he died burned forever in my soul replays every night they wish i would seek help for my anger for my saddness maybe then i can stop haunting them. And no one seems to care how they took a life and if they were anyone else they would stand trail for murder but under the protection of the goverment now they are free to do as they wish and not care about who they hurt or who they kill as we are powerless to stop them or maybe we are not maybe someday we will hold them responsible for the deaths they cause maybe someday terran's death will teach them not to hurt other children in my dreams

I know this is a harsh post but after months of fighting only to find out nothing will change due to terrans death that no one seems to care they hurt my baby they took my baby from my arms in hurting him they hurt all of us and in letting them get away with it they are free to hurt other children under the giese of Helping them they are free to experiment as much as they like if 6 in a 100 children live they will poster these children as success and forget the children who died so these 6 could live and when those 6 also die but much later again they will forget those children and the families they have ruined as well

God help those who have harmed a child in causing a childs death they have stopped a generation Edit Text

Where are these caring wonderful doctors who claim to have fought to save my childs life at this moment when i am sitting here in tears they are safe and sound in their fancy beds in their fancy homes their children lie in nice home in a nice nieghborhood go to safe schools while mine lies in a cold grave maked by a stone that bears his name

where Dr Gennaro Selvaggi who just 10 days before terran died saved terrans life and stated to my husband and I that they would extra care of terran where was he when terran died

where was Kyota Fukazawa or Akira Maki the residents who caused terrans death by over looking major signs that terran was in trouble but because they were learning were excused in terrans death dr maki who claimed to have 10 years expeience in transplant who we kidded 10 days before when he over looked terrans graft had ripped apart and allowed terran to suffer for 10 hours before dr selvaggi finaly took the time to come to the ICU and rushed terran in to surgery he promised that mistake would never happen again but or Dr fukazawa who caused a major infection in terrans wound that caused terran not to beable to be closed because no one taught him proper sterile technique or did he do it because he was just lazy I will never know these two were left to care for the most fragile kids and no attending doctor was in the hosptial the night terran began to die they were too busy doing yet anohter transplant when your child dies you second guess yourself you blame yourself do they blame themselfs I was told their was a meeting about terrans death where dr kato went over all terrans records why did he not do that before he rushed terran to the floor to his death knowing that he was at the most critical stage in his transplant knowing that a mere 9days before dr selvaggi said that terrans graft could come apart again where was he oh he was at terrans bedside when he died he tried to save him but it was too late this time too much time had gone by to save him

where are the nurses the few that were on that night paid so much becuase they were special to transplant floor comanding high salarys due to being so well trained but they failed terran they hemed and hawed and when terran died they left for their safe homes leaving us to gieve pushing the memory of our child's safety aside after all he was a sick child who was ment to die anyway who can blame them
where was jang moon the organ procurement surgeon who just 2 weeks before told us that the organs he put in our child were only put there becuase he felt our child had a great need that no other transplant center would have used those organs due to being damaged those infected damaged organs caused our childs death but that too will be pushed aside after all he was a sick child destined to die anyhow they were extendeding his life so we excuse the pain and suffering our child endured because of this doctors decsioin to use those organs on our child. even when those organs took our childs life we never again saw this man whose decsion caused our childs death.

who blames me for my anger towards those who caused terrans death who will pay blood for blood life for life for my childs life them no they are home safe and sound in the morning they will climb in to their bmw's or other fancy cars go to work and do it all over again after all no one can touch them they have immunity granted by the goverment whose job it is to protect my childs life.

and what if god forbid and heaven help me for even putting this in words what if this was your child's story what if this happened to your family would you be angry and sad as I am or would you too forgive them but would you ever be able to forget those who caused your childs death.

as for those loving caring professionals who just 21 days Edit Text


days before fought to save my childs life will nothing ever be done to them for taking his life will they never pay I know i will with bills well over a million dollars for their services they get paid while i sit next to a cold grave a kiss my childs picture forever crying wishing to die.

To those caring professionals that did try to save my childs life i will forever be gratful dr reinstein who for years and years fought to not only to save terrans life but to make his life as great as possible whose caring ears never grew tired of my whining even with terran gone he still cares for my family a true caring doctor with a caring staff like jessica his nurse or any of his staff even the beloved Dr. W whom we never could pronounce his name but even though he took care of terran such a short amount of time proved to us that he truely cared i guess one reason terrans death hurts so much is that in my heart i know that if terran had been in all childrens under dr reinsteins care even if terran would have died he would not died as he did not the horrible death or the tremdous suffering and pain he endured for 21 days that makes it so hard knowing that good care was only a short distance away and knowing i played a part in terrans death in allowing the transplant that in my heart i knew was the only way i could keep terran i also knew that it could cause his death i prayed and prayed that if i stayed by his side no matter what i could save him but in the hour when he needed his doctors to be doctors they failed him we all failed him

I wish so much that i never took terran to miami that i never again allowed them to retransplant terran and even if terran would have died later that i know in my heart his death would have hurt i know that but his death would not have been as horrible or as painful as it was. I pray each day that this is a horrible nightmare that someday I will wake up and find it was all a terrible mistake that terran is safe and sound in his bed in his room and will soon wake up and play with his toys call "mom come here i am up" I miss that voice i miss that child more than life did they know that when they took his life when their neglect caused my sons life.

Forver thankful to the loving staff of all children's hospital in st petersburg to the nurses and doctors that fought for years to save terran to give terran a decent life who truely cared for my son millions of times showing me how good it can be to have a wondeful child like terran forever grateful to dr reinstein and his staff at bay pediatrics and GI and nurtition day or night they were there for us terran always knew no matter how sick he was all he had to go was get to dr r and he would be ok it hurts so bad that terran did not feel the same way about miami maybe in terrans deeepest heart of hearts knew that one day they would take his life. and thats why he screamed and cried when he heard he had to go to miami GOd help me get through the anger and pain of my beloved terran's death so I too may show mercy to those who took his life